tributehub

This on made me laugh.

A couple are having dinner at a restaurant and the husband leans
> >
> > >>> >over and asks his wife, "Do you remember the first time we had sex
> >
> > >>> >together over fifty years a go? We went behind this very tavern
> >
> > >>> >where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you."
> >
> > >>> >
> >
> > >>> >"Yes, she says, "I remember it well."
> >
> > >>> >
> >
> > >>> >"Ok," he says, "How about taking a stroll around there again and we
> >
> >
> > >>> >can do it for old time's sake?"
> >
> > >>> >
> >
> > >>> >
> >
> > >>> >
> >
> > >>> >"Oh Charlie, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but very good
> >
> >
> > >>> >idea!"
> >
> > >>> >
> >
> > >>> >There's a police
> >
> > >>>officer sitting in the next booth listening to all
> >
> > >>> >this, and having a chuckle to himself. He thinks, "I've got to see
> >
> > >>> >these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an
> >
> > >>> >eye on them so there's no trouble." So he follows them.
> >
> > >>> >
> >
> > >>> >
> >
> > >>> >
> >
> > >>> >They walk haltingly along, leaning on each other for support, aided
> >
> >
> > >>> >by walking sticks.
> >
> > >>> >
> >
> > >>> >Finally they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to
> > the
> >
> > >>> >fence.
> >
> > >>> >
> >
> > >>> >The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers. As
> >
> >
> > >>> >she leans against the fence, the old man moves in.
> >
> > >>> >
> >
> > >>> >Suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the watching
> >
> > >>> >policeman has ever seen. This goes on for about ten minutes.
> > Finally,
> >
> > >>> >they both collapse, panting on the ground.
> >
> > >>> >
> >
> > >>> >The
> >
> > >>>policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about
> >
> > >>> >life that he didn't know.
> >
> > >>> >
> >
> > >>> >After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old
> >
> >
> > >>> >couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on.
> >
> > >>> >
> >
> > >>> >The Policeman, still watching thinks, this was truly amazing. I've
> >
> > >>> >got to ask them what their secret is. As the couple passes, he
> >
> > >>> >says to them, "Excuse me, but that was something else. You must've
> >
> > >>> >had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to
> >
> > >>> >this?
> >
> > >>> >
> >
> > >>> >The old man says, "Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence !

pmsl love it ! what about this one.......................

A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him.

The waitress asks for their orders.

The man says, "A hamburger, fries and a coke," and turns to the ostrich, "What's yours?" "I'll have the same," says the ostrich.

A short time later the waitress returns with the order.  "That will be ?9.40 please," and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment.

The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, "A hamburger, fries, and a coke." The ostrich says, "I'll have the same."

Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.

This becomes routine until, the two enter again.

"The usual?" asks the waitress.

"No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato, and salad," says the man.  "Same," says the ostrich.

Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, "That will be ?32.62."

Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.

The waitress can't hold back her curiosity any longer.  "Excuse me,sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change out of your pocket every time?"

"Well," says the man, "several years ago I was cleaning the attic and found an old lamp.  When I rubbed it a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there."

"That's brilliant!" says the waitress.  "Most people would wish for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!"

"That's right.  Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there," says the man.

The waitress asks, "But, sir, what's with the ostrich?"

The man sighs, pauses, and answers, "My second wish was for a tall chick with a big ass and long legs who agrees with everything I say."

standards are being maintained I see ;D

of course Bigdog, they are as high as ever ...................................



At 85 years of age, Morris married Lou Anne, a lovely 25-year-old. Since
her new husband is so old, Lou Anne decides that after their wedding, she and
Morris should have separate bedrooms, because she is concerned that her
new but aged husband may over-exert himself if they spend the entire night
together.

After the wedding festivities Lou Anne prepares herself for bed and the
expected knock on the door. Sure enough the knock comes, the door opens
and there is Morris, her 85-year-old groom ready for action.

They unite as one. All goes well, Morris takes leave of his bride, and
she prepares to go to sleep.

After a few minutes, Lou Anne hears another knock on her bedroom it's
Morris. Again, he is ready for more action. Somewhat surprised, Lou Anne
consents for more coupling. When the newlyweds are done, Morris kisses
his bride, bids her a fond goodnight and leaves. She is set to go to sleep
again, but, aha, you guessed it - Morris is back again, rapping on the
door, and is as fresh as a 25-year-old, ready for more action.

Once again they enjoy each other. But as Morris gets set to leave
again, his young bride says to him, "I am thoroughly impressed that at your age
you can perform so well and so often. I have been with guys less than a third
of your age who were only good once. You are truly a great lover, Morris."

Morris, somewhat embarrassed, turns to Lou Anne and says, "You mean I was
here already?"



Alzheimer's --- it has its advantages.

An American businessman goes to Japan.  He arrives the day before his meeting/golf outing with his Japanese business contacts.  He orders up a hooker.  Whilst being slipped the the "big dog," she moans loudly "Suki Wah, Suki Wah"

The next day on the golf course, one of the Japanese businesnessmen sinks a very nice putt of about 15 feet.  The American congratulates the Japanese man, with a wink, a nudge and the phrase, "Suki Wah"

The Japanese businessman shouts in reply "what you mean, wrong hole?"  ;D

A man is lying in bed in the hospital with an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. He is still heavily sedated from a four hour operation.
A young nurse comes in to sponge his hands and feet. "Nurse," he mumbles groggily from behind the oxygen mask,
"are my testicles black?"
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know.? I'm only here to wash your hands and feet."
He struggles again to ask, "Please tell me.? Are my testicles black?"
Finally, she pulls back the covers, raises his gown, holds his privates and
jiggles them around a bit, takes a close look and says, "There's nothing wrong with them!"
Wearily, the man pulls off his oxygen mask and says very slowly,

"That was very nice but listen very, very closely.? Are ............
my ... test ... results ... back?

;D