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I just called our accounting software company's support line.  For those not in the know, this time of year is a very busy time for accountants, as April is the end of the financial year, and payroll annual returns are due to HMRC.  As a result, demand for these support lines increases to ridiculous levels.

My query has nothing to do with payroll year end but it is a problem with our payroll program, so I have to sit in the queue and wait with all the dimwits who can't read simple "How To Do Your Year End" instructions.

The phone number of this service is an 0845 number; well it would be, wouldn't it?  Now, from what I can work out, 0845 calls to businesses from UK landlines cost ?3.95 per minute.  I assume Wikipedia is correct in this fact, and that this is the charge to the caller but feel free to correct me.

Having waded through the menu system designed to extract as much of your money as possible from you (the option most people want is the last one, and they always change it round when people get wise to it and press the button without waiting), I received the message, "your call will be answered in 50 to 55 minutes".

Let's do the maths:

?3.95 times 55 is ?217.25.

217 QUID?!?!  For a piddly non-essential query, but one that needs fixing?  Why don't you have a separate set of support staff for non-end-of-year queries from people like me?  Why should I sit in the same queue making money for you, you bunch of thieves?  It will take about four to five minutes to fix this problem but I have to wait for 11 times that length of time to get through.  And who has 55 minutes spare in their day to wait for someone to answer the phone in this day and age?

That can't be right can it?  217 quid?!

0845 is local rate - I'm sure it's significantly less than 4 quid - more like 4 pence ?

Edit: according to http://www.planet-numbers.co.uk/faq.jsp it's 3ppm daytime

0870 is silly rip-off prices however

So what does it mean by this on Wikipedia then?

Call charges

From UK landlines
The cost to the typical end user is higher than a geographic 01 or 02 call, with BT's main rates for 0845 special rate numbers as follows:

Residential

3.0p/min daytime
1.0p/min evening
1.0p/min weekend
Business

3.95p/min daytime
1.0p/min evening
1.0p/min weekend

I have to admit, it confuses me (which is no doubt what BT want it to do).

3.95pence pm - i.e. ?0.0395 pm

Do you know what?  I'm an arse

That'll teach me to divide it into pence next time.  But 55 minutes though ...  I'm still on hold ...

At your hourly rate that must nearly be ?270 then anyway !  ;D