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A number of times since we started seeing each other Lorna and I have discussed whether we are going to get married and just what that will involve being the kind of people we are and the fact that Lorna has already been married once.

Lorna's first wedding was hijacked by her mother; she didn't want a big thing but found herself doing the whole dress/bridesmaid/cake/reception bollocks that come with "the big day".  And I'm sure you can guess my general views on weddings.  If you think about it so much of what happens is completely unnecessary.

Well, we've made a list - of everything we're NOT having at our wedding.  Everything in this list has been agreed by both of us.  Have a read through and see if deep down you agree with us that some of them are just so unnecessary.  So, in no particular order:

Wedding cars
Bridesmaids and page boys
Being walked down the aisle by dad
No church (hence no dad down the aisle)
Reception
Disco
Cake
Wedding lunch (i.e. overpriced catering and poncy food.  The pub will do fine)
Speeches
Best man
Wedding dress/stupid suit you'll never wear again
Presents
Flowers
Confetti
Professional photographer
Throwing the bouquet
Music of any kind
Booking it for summertime (December will do)
Extraneous family/friends (the bare minimum of guests will be present)
Children (except our nephews)
Letting the family stick their oar in (mothers especially)
Superstitious crap (seeing the bride beforehand, something old, something new etc.)

You may be shocked at the above list but we came to the conclusion that a wedding is a very personal thing between two people and therefore all superfluous jetsam must be disposed of.  We feel that the best way to make a wedding YOUR day is to remove everything that is provided for other people's benefit.  We don't want to be pressured into doing it the traditional way simply because it's "the done thing".

The guest list will comprise close family only.  Sadly that means Diane won't be dusting her hat off for this one but I'm sure she'll understand.

Also, I should point out that this is what we consider the best way to go about our potential wedding.  We fully understand that other people like to have most, if not all of the above and we're not saying it's wrong.  We just don't want any of it or the hassle that goes with it.  And let's be honest - we're crazy enough to be able to get away with it.  Please don't be offended by this post.

And don't forget - this is all hypothetical for now.  Depends if we decide to go through with it.  If we do it won't be until after October because my current training is so changeable I can't be sure when I've got a weekend off.

Discuss!

We got married 30 years ago now. There was 13 people at the wedding reception and a handfull more at the wedding itself. No rented suits, no professional photographer, nuttin superfluous at all, just bare minimum. It cost us $300.00 and that included our wedding rings, the reception dinner for 13, and our honeymoon weekend.  We had a friend take about 400 photographs and we picked the best of them for a very conservative album of the event. The album is made of the pages from a propper album and are held together with string. It has no cover. It sat on our coffee table for about 3 months after our wedding and is now somewhere in storage. Nobody has looked at it in 20 years I don't think! I wanted Maureen to keep her own name, but she wanted to change it to mine. We solved the guest list problem by having nobody there but the closest family circle. Nobody was offended at all. I do regret not arranging some music for just after the wedding ceremony though. ....it seemed a bit flat without that extra touch. We were married on Remembrance day so we always have a day off work to spend together...that was a good idea! Our motto was no fuss, no money....no worries and we don't regret it a bit. We got some presents from about 20 people I guess, but we asked that it be minimal. We refused any wedding showers. When our first child came along we did accept a baby shower though.

As a non churchgoer, the religious meaning of marriage means nothing to me (call me a hieratic if you like!!  ;D) But I think that far too much fuss is made over this. Marriage and weddings have become an "industry", and I don't like anyone telling me that it should be this, or it should be that. The only propper way to get married is your own way. On a beach, in a church, in front of a legal representative....wherever you want. Or don't get married at all, just live a life as partners.

I suddenly think I need to stop rambling on.....this is getting far too boring!

Quite correct! It's YOUR wedding and not anybody elses so you do what you feel is right for YOU. I think a lot of people can get pressured by friends and family about how the wedding should be and turn what should be a happy and intimate occasion into a tortuous high-pressure affair.
Just my humble opinion.  

Just a thought ... what about doing it on stage in the interval at an Aussie Floyd show  ;D  There's always Chepstow on 19 July    Diane and I could wear our hats then (not cork ones though)  ;D

I agree with everything you say. I feel that today's elaborate efforts are unnecessary and really a waste of money.   If I were to do it for a second time, I would despense with all of the frills - barefoot on a beach would suit me.  In fact, not much trouble went into it the first time as my parents were not very well off and there was no way you'd get me wearing anything that resembles a white meringue!  Being very hippie back  in 1976, I wore a blue velvet suit and he wore a brown velvet one and the ceremony took place in a registry office as were aren't religious.  A simple reception followed in a local hall that resembled a nissan hut where we all had a good knees up.

Today a teaching friend of mine announced that her son is getting married this summer.  The ceremony will take place in the chapel at the University of Greenwich (which is a fantastic old building and is where his mother works).  The reception will be held in the old Trafalgar pub with overlooks the River Thames and O2 arena - it's a beautiful spot.   Good ideas don't have to be elaborate or cost the earth.  I bet they'll have a lovely time - hope I can wangle an inivite 

Some very interesting points here, I love weddings, but then I'm not married - so that's maybe why?

I've been to countless and the two best were probably the most expensive one and also the cheapest one! I think it's the people who make the day and the couple should do what's going to make them happy.

This one probably ranks as the best and it was more than a wedding as we all went on holiday together afterwards, just look at those smiling faces.
I dread to think how much it actually cost, but a lot of that was flying the family over to China, which they paid for! My other favourtie wedding was a very small blessing at a church, then we all went for a walk down to a great pub. No fancy cars, no pretentious meal and awful disco, just happy people enjoying the company of friends.

But I think the overriding factor for both of these days, was that there was no involvement by any of the respective families - all the planning and organisation was done solely by the bride and groom, with nobody else butting in. So they got exactly what they wanted and I think as a result were not stressed out by everything and had a ball. So either way, you guys do exactly what you want, invite the people who are important and if the rest don't like it or try to railroad it - then screw em!





GG

PS. Your list is great, but not sure about No Music of any kind? What about doing your own maybe? The above wedding had music planned by the groom, he had a series of Cd's prepared of all his/her favourite music - hired a guy to play it and we all totally loved it. Micromanagement to the second as well, as the last bars of the final song played (Louis Armstong's 'Wonderful World'), the transport arrived to take us back to the hotel. Amazing timing........ It cost nothing as well, just a Hi-Fi and time to make all the Cd's.

The pub wedding that was fantastic only consisted of a fraction of the normal list! This is what they had..... and it was great.

[s]Wedding cars[/s]
[s]Bridesmaids and page boys[/s]
[s]Being walked down the aisle by dad[/s]
Church  well it was blessed at a small place, very informal and it was over very quickly!
[s]Reception[/s]
[s]Disco[/s]
[s]Cake[/s]
[s]Wedding lunch (i.e. overpriced catering and poncy food.[/s]  The pub did fine
Speeches -  sort of, just some general toasts and best wishes at the pub
Best man - sort of again, me! But I had nothing to do.
[s]Wedding dress/stupid suit you'll never wear again[/s]
Presents - small gifts only, as both had everything they needed.
[s]Flowers[/s]
[s]Confetti[/s]
[s]Professional photographer[/s] a friend did it
[s]Throwing the bouquet[/s]
Music of any kind - just what was on at the pub!
[s]Booking it for summertime (December will do)[/s] I think is was October
[s]Extraneous family/friends[/s] (the bare minimum of guests were present)
[s]Children (except our nephews)[/s]
[s]Letting the family stick their oar in (mothers especially)[/s]
[s]Superstitious crap (seeing the bride beforehand, something old, something new etc.)[/s]

The music - what I meant by that was ceremony music (hymns, songs with special meanings etc).

I'm sure we won't be as completely humbug as to ignore EVERYTHING on that list but there's no way any mobile disco lights are coming near and wedding of mine.