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A few days ago we received our first wedding invitation as a married couple. We know that everyone has their own way of thinking and other people's versions of an ideal wedding generally won't be anything like ours. This said, the wedding we've been invited to has to be the complete opposite of our way of thinking. 

The invitation had a couple of points which riled me somewhat. There is a dress code, 'Gentlemen: Black tie evening dress suit or black suit, Ladies: Black and white only'. Then there is the wording for responding, 'RSVP STRICLTY before 2nd February'. 

Neil is working the day of the wedding and to be honest even if he wasn't I really don't think we'd entertain the idea of attending, we'd both feel completely awkward and uncomfortable. It's nice to be thought of but I don't know the bride at all and Neil has never met either of them.

The best bit is the 'Gift List' which is a thing most hated by me. 'If you would like to buy a present **** & **** have a gift list at ....' It's an idea I can't quite get my head around, you make a list of things you want people to buy you. This to me seems like an order dictating to you that you can't deviate from this list. They get to know who bought what which is fine but then they also get to know how much everyone spent which to me is awful. I thought you might like to take a look at this list, cast your eyes down and see if you can read through it without laughing and wondering if the people who made this list have a proper grasp on reality. Sorry it's not all lined up but it just wouldn't play ball.

China
Sophie Conran Tea Cup & Saucer 6 of 6 £10.00 each
Sophie Conran Cream Jug                 1 of 1 £8.75
Sophie Conran Box of 2 White Mugs         3 of 3 £10.00 each
Sophie Conran Small Teapot .6L         1 of 1 £15.50
Sophie Conran White 28cm Plate 6 of 6 £8.00 each
Sophie Conran White 20.5cm Plate         6 of 6 £5.25 each
Sophie Conran White Soup Plate 25cm 6 of 6 £7.00 each
Sophie Conran White Platter 30.5cm         1 of 1 £18.00
Sophie Conran White Cereal         6 of 6 £5.00 each
Sophie Conran White Casserole 2.5L         1 of 1 £31.00
Sophie Conran White Casserole 4.8L 1 of 1 £51.00 
Sophie Conran Salt & Pepper 1 of 1 £8.50

Glass
Sophie Conran Box of 2 Wine .28cl 2 of 2 £17.50 each
Sophie Conran Jug 1l 1 of 1 £18.50

Silverware (including cutlery)
Pie Server Radford 1 of 1 £16.50
Radford 44 pc canteen 1 of 1 £224.00
Radford 4 steak knives 1 of 1 £29.00

Bed Linen
DAMASK DUVET COVER 200X200 BEIGE 1 of 1 £53.50
DAMASK PILLOW CASE BEIGE 2 of 2 £11.50 each

Bath Linen and Accessories
ICICLE S/C WHITE TOILET SEAT 1 of 1 £48.50
New Fine Egyptian Bath Mat Mangrove 2 of 2 £11.50 each
New Fine Egyptian Hand Towel Mangrove 4 of 4 £8.75 each
New Egyptian Bath Towel Mangrove 6 of 6 £15.50 each
Pedestal Mirror Chrome 17.5cm 1 of 1 £9.75
Zack Brushed steel soap dish 1 of 1 £14.50
Zack Brushed steel toothbrush Holder 1 of 1 £17.50
Zack Mobil soap dispenser 1 of 1 £39.00
9013 GLASS ELECTRONIC SCALE 1 of 1 £19.50
Linen Washing Basket  2 of 2 £34.00

Kitchenware
3.5l Traditional mixing bowl 1 of 1 £8.75
JL H/A SAUCEPAN 16CM 1 of 1 £39.00 
JL H/A OMELETTE 20CM 1 of 1 £23.00
JL H/A FRYPAN 24CM 1 of 1 £33.00
JL silicone 6 cup muffin mould 1 of 1 £7.75
JL silicone 8 cup heart mould 1 of 1 £9.75
Chrome plated 2 tier plate rack 1 of 1 £29.00
Chrome plated towel holder 1 of 1 £9.75
2 Person Picnic Hamper Natural 1 of 1 £110.00

Audio and Television
APPLE IMAC 24" 2.8GHZ 1 of 1 £1120.00
BT TELEPHONE HANDSET TWIN 1 of 1 £78.05
DIGITAL FREEVIEW SET TOP BOX 1 of 1 £24.00 
SONY BLU-RAY DISC PLAYER 1 of 1 £194.00

Electrical
JL JUG KETTLE 1 of 1 £34.00

Lighting
Terra garden post light 1 of 1 £48.50

Other
GOLD SILK GUEST BOOK 1 of 1 £15.50
TOWELLING BATH ROBE WHITE 1 of 1 £58.50
SUITCASE 78CM 1 of 1 £194.00
SUITCASE 66CM 1 of 1 £171.00
FILOFAX BOTANIC PINK 1 of 1 £22.50
ROOM FRAGRANCE 1 of 1 £24.00
BBQ One Touch Green 57cm 1 of 1 £171.00

I think the same as you Lorna. This whole thing is a perfect example of people falling into the con game of the "wedding business". The WB dictates what is (according to them)  proper. This whole wedding business etiquette thing is just crazy to me. I was in this position once a long time ago. I was in the wedding party too, and was told I would have to rent a particular suit and buy a wedding gift off a list etc. In short it was going to cost me a lot of money I didn't have to create this fairy tale illusion. I ended up politely refusing to do this for them, and I said that I would totally understand if they wished to get someone else to stand in the wedding party besides me. I was not offended about that at all, if that is what they wanted. In the end, they decided to drop the dress code stuff and they kept the wedding gift list. I stood for them and bought whatever I wanted for a gift for them. I ignored the list, as quite frankly I find the gift list very presumptuous and totally impersonal from the givers point of view. My relationship with the couple was personal, so my gift would be a personal one from me....not a list gift.

The dress code for guests...is too bizarre for me to get my head around. Getting married is about been surrounded by friends, not being surrounded by color matched clothing! Good grief that's sad  :'( They are missing the great point of friendship.

Well, on the funny side, Neil has to wear only a black tie and one of your pant suites.....you need black and white only.....that could be made very unique and very funny! Have fun with your decisions!!

My final observation.....who in the hell would ever buy a toilet seat for a wedding gift, or who in their right mind would put this on a list!!!?? Now that really freaks me out!!! 

Bob

Jesus,

I wouldn't have the nerve to do something like that.  It all seems to me to be a way of topping up or replacing stuff they have probably got already - An Apple IMac, for gods sake??? ???

I would buy ONE small Sophie Conran White Soup Plate 25cm at £7.00 and hope no one else gets the others so they have a spare plate hanging around  ;D

Just playing devils advocate, but it's all about choice. I thought what you guys did was fantastic and in the VERY unlikely event I would ever get married, that would be my choice. But a wedding is a very personal thing and I have never been to one that was the same as another (and I've been to a few!).

I wouldn't have a problem with any type of invitation and if it wasn't my thing, I would politely decline the invitation. It's the couples choice how they wish to celebrate it and we all know how differently we think, just by comments and posts on this forum?

Looking at the gift list gives me an idea as to the type of people they are and coupled with the dress code, it confirms it. Not my gig for sure, but they will probably love it and it will be what they want from the day. Just thank goodness we are all different, it's what makes life interesting. 

PS. Are you going then 

Thats not a marriage borne out of love. Its a bloody business, some people have no shame.
              A friend of mine like that just wouldn't be a friend for long.

Up to now every wedding I have attended has been someone we have loved dearly and enjoyed celebrating their special day. I am glad to say they were not like the weddings that Lorna described, I wouldn't enjoy that at all. The best wedding I have attended was my own in 1973 and my second best was my sons in 2006. A wedding is a very personal thing and is meant for friends and families to celebrate however they chose. If I was was invited to a wedding that I would feel uncomfortable about I would discreetly decline the invitation and that would be the end of the matter as far as I was concerned.